Hurt
by darkhavens
Pairing/Characters: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Words: 669
Summary: Post-Conversion tag
Rodney finally tracked John down at dusk, on a distant balcony, and penned him into a corner with grim determination.
"I just don't understand why you wouldn't see me."
John blinked and focussed on keeping his expression blankly puzzled, intent on ignoring the unreasonable excitement that came with such close proximity.
"Rodney -"
"Don't. Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice? You out-ran Ronon and barely broke a sweat, just so you could gloat about it. You beat Teyla at her sticks with one hand behind your back, and don't think I don't know about that kiss. Really, John, are you always that clumsy in a clinch? That fumble did your Don Juan reputation no favours."
As John tried to process that off-hand revelation, Rodney frowned and ran though a mental list of notes.
"Where was I? Oh, yes. Ronon, Teyla, even Elizabeth. I know you spent hours talking in private with her, and yet I was prevented from entering the room on your orders. Why exactly was that, Colonel? Afraid I'd make a scene? Or did your inner bug decide I wasn't worth your time?" The flicker in John's eye would have gone unnoticed to most, but Rodney froze in horrified realization.
"Oh. My. God. That's it, isn't it? You had something to prove; that's why you took on Ronon and Teyla. Both of them have given your macho image a knock or two, and Elizabeth's your superior, at least on paper. But not me; I was never any real threat to your ego. Why would your bug think twice about a hypochondriac geek, eh? I probably didn't even show up as a blip on the radar. Huh."
Rodney's hyperactive brain immediately began reordering and recalibrating the facts to fit this new, hurtful, scenario.
For a moment, John watched the wheels turning behind blue eyes, every emotion visible to those who cared to look. The blooming of dull acceptance was what broke him.
"Jesus, Rodney, do you really think…? You couldn't be more wrong!"
John's hands were suddenly curled tight around Rodney's biceps, pulling the unresisting scientist closer, needing contact.
"Dammit, for a genius you really are dumb. I kissed Teyla because I was curious and I could, and yeah, it sucked. I didn't kiss Ronon 'cause, hey, I had speed, but I knew he could break me in two. Elizabeth was… Okay, let's not go there. You know I've never dealt well with authority figures, and the bug thing just made that so much worse. But you - I didn't dare get close to you."
The fabric beneath John's thumbs was warm and not quite smooth, and, absently, he began to stroke in time with Rodney's pulse. Rodney's eyelids fluttered and his pupils dilated. His tongue swept out and traced his lower lip and John groaned.
"I knew if I got hold of you I wouldn't let you go. I had just enough control to stay away."
A tiny crease formed between Rodney's brows at the admission, as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. John resisted the urge to give him a shake.
"I wanted you, Rodney. I want you. And I knew if I got the chance - and you said no - I wouldn't stop. I wanted you so badly, under me, open. Powerless and begging me - to stop, to move, for more. Damn, there were times when I could just about taste you in the air… I wonder if that was when you tried to visit."
John paused, expecting a show of scientific curiosity, but Rodney was apparently too entranced by what he'd heard. His tightly beaded nipples, jutting out through thin blue cotton, gave John all the encouragement he needed.
"So, you like the sound of that, me holding you down?" He shifted his grip and scratched a thumbnail over one taut nub. Rodney shuddered, gasped and closed his eyes. "Oh yeah."
A tilt of his head had John's lips aligning with Rodney's just as the setting sun dropped away.
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