Alien Jelly Made Them Do It

by darkhavens

Pairing/Characters: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: NC-17
Words: 1800
Summary: This is what happens when nobody mentions the aphrodisiac properties of alien jelly
Notes: Written for the lj community stagesoflove 2006, round 2, Five Stages of Sexual Arousal [1. Desire, 2. Excitement, 3. Plateau of Arousal, 4. Orgasm, and 5. Resolution]


"Tonight we eat and embrace; tomorrow we talk trade."

Deceptively simple words that no one even thought twice about before digging into the meat and fruit and strangely shaped vegetables heaped on the low-lying tables in the centre of the hall.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Rodney was soon muttering sotto voce plans to introduce the populace of Planet 'It's Good for the Posture' to the concept of cushions, and maybe even non-floor-level seating arrangements.

John listened and nodded and ate, and occasionally knocked knees with Rodney if the man was getting too loud and attracting attention.

And then they served dessert - red, blue, green, yellow, purple and white die-sized cubes of a cloudy, seed-dotted jelly. Rodney, of course, made John try one of each colour to test for citrus before he lifted the first one to his mouth and bit down.

"Oh! Oh… Oh, wow! These are… This is… Mmm!" A second, third, fourteenth, fifteenth cube disappeared into Rodney's crooked mouth to the accompaniment of highly sexual noises.

John squirmed, and tried not to be too obvious about watching his teammate's lips and tongue savouring the gelatinous fruity dessert. He tried to ignore the moans and whimpers of near orgasmic delight that targeted his cock with skilful sinful fingers.

He didn't know how long he'd been staring at Rodney's crooked smile before he realised that Rodney was staring back at him, eyes glazed and hungry.


John blinked lazily and cocked a single eyebrow. "Rodney?"

Rodney's hand landed heavily on John's knee and squeezed tightly, the nervous tremor in his fingers barely visible to the naked eye.

"Colonel, I think… The cubes, they… drugged… in-inhibitions lowered and… Aw, screw it!"

The hand on John's knee tightened further and another wrapped firmly around the nape of his neck, pulling him into an awkward, open-mouthed kiss. John spared a single second to wonder what Teyla and Ronon were making of the evening's events before tumbling eagerly into Rodney's embrace.

They were forced apart endless moments later by the need for oxygen. They remained as close as possible, legs entangled, foreheads pressed together as they gasped and fought the urge to rut in public.

"Hut. Now."


John hopped easily to his feet, dropped a wink in the vague direction of Ronon and Teyla, and ambled off towards their allocated hut, leaving Rodney to scramble after him clutching a plate of wobbly cubes. They maintained a careful distance between them for the few minutes it took to reach their destination.

Once the door snicked shut behind them, that distance disappeared. Rodney barely had time to set his prize on the bedside table before John was all over him - hands, lips, body pressed up against him, from chest to knee.

Clothes were shucked with very little grace or care so that skin could rub against skin. Fingers skated from naked hip to nipple to elbow to ticklish underarm, every inch of flesh screaming out for touch, for more, for now.

With a tug, John toppled them over onto the narrow pallet, twisting to land on his back, hands up to break Rodney's fall. They grunted in unison at the impact, and Rodney shook free of the sexnowyespleasegod haze for just a moment.

"Just inhibitions…? God, yeah, right there!" The hand on his ass clenched even tighter and he groaned, leaned in for another biting kiss before pulling back. "Not… compulsion, coercion? You wanted…?"

John's fingers slipped down between Rodney's buttocks and teased the fragile skin of his perineum.

"Months, okay? Fuck now, talk later."

Rodney complied, his thighs falling open to allow John's fingers free rein, his happy hum painting a grin across John's face as his thigh snugged up against Rodney's cock and applied pressure.

Plateau of Arousal

Rodney arched beneath John's weight and hooked an ankle behind his knee, forcing their bodies even closer together. He groaned as one of John's hands slipped down to investigate his balls.

"Oh! Oh, please, yes! Just… Just there, that's…!"

He whined embarrassingly loud and bore down onto John's fingers. And then he froze. "Dammit! Lube! No lube!" One hand came up to bat ineffectually at John's shoulder, trying to dislodge his mouth from the spot on his neck that was being sucked most enthusiastically.

John pulled free with a loud wet pop.

"Rodney, fuck now, talk later."

"But… Sunscreen! I… There's some in my tac vest, we could…"

They both angled their heads to look at the vest lying just inside the door, ten feet - a thousand miles - out of arm's reach.

"Yeah, not happening." John's mouth twisted up into a wicked little smirk. "We'll improvise."

With impressive speed and agility, John rearranged them both so that chests, legs, cocks were aligned. Levering himself up on one elbow, he grabbed a handful of the fruity little cubes and plopped them down on Rodney's chest.

Before the impromptu platter had the presence of mind to complain, the cubes were softening and spreading across his skin. Rodney blinked, sniffed, grinned and then frowned.

"I hope you don't think I'm letting you put that…"

John gave a sharp bark of laughter and then hungrily kissed him into submission and silence, simultaneously swiping his hand through the body-warmed gelatinous gloop.

"Trust me."

The hot, slippery hand that wrapped around his - their - cocks left Rodney boneless and totally incoherent.

John kept up a slow, rhythmic stroke, scattering kisses over every inch of Rodney's skin that he could reach. Rodney in turn ran his hands from John's scalp to his nape, swept down over the prominent knobs of his spine and scratched short nails along his flanks. And then he retraced the route, back and forth, head to thigh and back again, in counterpoint to John's slipslidetwist.

Once, twice, three times in slow succession John brought them both to the frantic edge of orgasm before easing them back with a lighter, calmer, gentling touch.

The faintest fingers of dawn's light were pushing through the loosely woven curtains before John finally let them tip over the edge into a bone-melting climax.


Rodney had his fingers hooked beneath the wings of John's shoulder blades, barely hanging on for the ride. He'd lost all sense of self an age ago, reduced to mindless grunts and whines, growls and happy purrs. He was too far gone to care.

John's left arm was almost numb from fatigue, minute tremors shaking loose his joints and rippling down his back. He ignored it, confident that it would do the job it had to do - support his upper body weight so he could keep on stroking, slipslidetwist, his right hand firmly curled around his cock and Rodney's both. He couldn't stop now. Too close, too late. Too much.

He felt the pressure build again inside, rearranging organs, thoughts and hungers as it forged ahead. He had no clue how many times he'd fought it back, leaving them teetering on the edge of the abyss. This time he didn't fight.

This time he let it take them.

The long-denied orgasm broke over them like a huge, crested wave, sweeping them out and over, tossing them tightly together until they didn't know or care which way was up or where they'd find their next breath.

It curled around them, seeping into every pore; it stole every ounce of strength from every muscle. It left them sated and complete; as boneless as the jelly they'd consumed.

The faintest streaks of ochre, gold and yellow from the dawning sun limned them both with soft highlights.

They slipped, silent, into sleep, even as the village was coming to life outside their door.


Rodney came awake with a jolt of unexpected agony as someone tried to rip every hair from his chest and groin - simultaneously. Once he'd blinked the world back into some kind of focus, he realised Sheppard - the Colonel - John, dammit - had apparently settled on retreat as the reaction of choice when he'd woken up naked and glued to his best friend-team mate-Head of Science.

Rodney glared at him.


John jerked and looked sheepish, even as he tried once again to ease himself away from Rodney's tremendously sticky body.


In self-defence, Rodney lifted up his arms and tugged John closer, holding him firmly in place to stop him trying that again.

"You couldn't have - oh, I don't know - shaken me awake? You had to try and rip my hairs out by the root? I should probably be glad you stayed below the neck."

John rolled his eyes.

"I was trying for discreet, Rodney, you know the word? I don't have a clue what time it is, or where Teyla and Ronon got to after we wondered off last night. They could walk through that door at any moment. I thought maybe lying here stuck to you with Jell-O and come might be just a little bit too obvious for them to miss."

Of its own volition, Rodney's cock twitched, tugging painfully on skin and hair. They both winced.

"Yes, well, I… Wait. What? This isn't Jell-O. Are you insane? Jell-O is sugar and chemical additives and rendered animal waste by-products. This-" He dragged a finger through the multicoloured gloop on his chest and held it up for inspection. "This is not Jell-O. This is, at the very least, jelly, possibly even a rather close relative of jam. Definitely not Jell-O."

When John just stared at him, one eyebrow cocked, his mouth tilted in a way that Rodney thought looked too amusedly indulgent, he scowled.

"Yes, yes, I know, now is probably not the time to be discussing this, but honestly, John, Jell-O? There's real fruit in this stuff! And have you ever tasted…?"

John shrugged off Rodney's restraining arms like they were made of string and pushed up from the bed in one smooth move. They both yelped and clutched at corresponding parts.

"Okay, possibly I didn't know that was going to hurt that much."

Rodney rolled his eyes and tried to sneak a peek below his waist, checking to see if he was bald now.

"Women do this kind of thing voluntarily?"


"I know, I know! Now is not the time. Do you think maybe they have showers here?"

Odd pieces of Rodney's uniform rained down as John sorted out the mixed heap on the floor.

"Get dressed, Rodney. I promise we can talk about Jell-O and Brazilian waxes when we get home."

Rodney tugged his shirt over his head and eased it gently past the stickily tender areas on his chest.

"We'll… We'll talk about this too though, right?"

John grinned wickedly.

"We'll do more than talk."



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